At Peace With Vulnerability

Vulnerability seems like a weak state, but I think that is only a weak state if vulnerability is coupled with unpreparedness. Whether in the spiritual, or mundane way. Preparedness to reap the consequences of actions, and being mentally steady, able to just watch without judging whatever happens, be it good or bad is an extremely precious gift that one can only give to oneself.

Mental stability is the bedrock of well being. This truth doesn't only lie when it is easy to experience stability and an unshaken mind. It is an eternal truth, but only rarely discovered when the circumstances are ripe (which happens rarely in this culture that puts so much emphasis on outer form). Sadly the truth is forgotten, again and again, like perpetual amnesiacs, we see then forget.

It is difficult to get this message across, because I am still experimenting with the implications of this concept. However, I thought that it was worthy of putting out there, whether or not it is comprehensible to anyone, I feel that explaining it clarifies the concept for myself.

An image I find helpful is that of the energy of life: it is pulled into the body and radiates outwards. Like the force of a magnet. However, we don't like vulnerability, we get discouraged, half hearted, defensive, doing so we close the channels of our mind, which closes the channels of the body. Then we rationalize this action, which reinforces the tendency to be closed and tight. This weakens the magnetic force, slowing and even blocking the energy flow. This is not a happy concept, because it occurs and is strengthened through the conditioning that has begun since our lives began.

However, the extremely beautiful truth in this is that it is all optional. The conditioned closure of the energy channels can be reversed, although working on the body itself is essential (it must be kept clean and healthy) it is the bare minimum to full opening. How to do this? There is a way that I am still searching for, but I am confident there is a way to reverse the process. I believe that the noble eightfold path is that way: harmonious view, harmonious resolve, harmonious action, harmonious speech, harmonious livelihood, harmonious effort, harmonious mindfulness, harmonious single-pointedness of mind.

To free the mind/heart from the tendency to close is the hardest thing to do. But it is the most worthwhile endeavor, and I believe that regardless of the circumstance of one's life, mental stability can be reached. If only for extremely short durations, these moments encourage one to go on into the struggle for awakening to the truth. Though that struggle seems endless, the moments of remembering the truth, are so radiant and beautiful that they become rewards to stay on the path.

Pinhead, my first acupuncture

Today I had an acupuncture treatment. The TCM specialist told me that I had a qi deficiency in my spleen and heart. The treatment suggested was weekly acupuncture sessions followed by a regimen of herbal supplements.

The session was more painful than I thought it would be. I had a needle on my head, face, and a pair on my stomach, arms and legs. However, the pain dulled away for the most part; although a strange sensation remained.

As I lay there for 20 mintues I noticed that my breath energy was being pulled into my body through the general area of the needles, and met in the center of my belly. Like a sponge, the energy dissapated through all my entire body as I breathed out. It was kind of fun.

Although I wasn't very comfortable during the session, I felt somehow at ease. When the session was done, I felt refreshed, with more energy which stayed with me despite having to bike home in the glum/rainy streets.

I am going to do another session to see how it goes. It is a little expensive but it seems worth it, for now.

What Law School is Like

Now that i've done 3 weeks of law school, I feel somewhat qualified to speak about it.

The funny thing about it is that everyone is practicing to be an advocate, so they all give you advice; so a lot of work is just trying to sort out the bad advice from the good advice. Plus, everyone qualifies their advice with, "but do what works best for you." I guess this is more modest than, "this is 100% true all the time." Anyway, I still haven't exactly figured the system out; and as far as I can tell, I won't really know what works and doesn't until after finals.

Preparing for class is time consuming, but you have a sense of accomplishment afterward, plus, I feel like my critical thinking skills have improved enormously. Although, there is still a lot more that I can improve upon.

Another funny thing about law school is that the line between having a fun time, and barely surviving is pretty thin. Being prepared to engage the material discussed makes all the difference. If you aren't at least 70% clear as to what you read, you will probably have a terrible time in class (it will sound like people are speaking a different language). However, if you did manage to get the gist of the work, then the discussion is intellectually stimulating and FUN.

Anyway, I like it so far. Thinking of all my options, I can't think of any more secure way for me to accomplish my life goals than practicing law. (admittedly, I have a lack of imagination and drive) But seriously, Law school isn't bad. If you want to be successful here you have to show mental discipline, something that I very much admire and am enthusiastic for having the opportunity to cultivate it here.